“Spider-Man Homecoming” Movie Review

*Insert some witty/stupid quip about being “your friendly neighborhood movie critic” just to regret it immediately afterward* Let’s just get this thing started. This coming-of-age superhero adventure from director Jon Watts is the sixteenth overall installment in the ever-expanding Marvel Cinematic Universe. It has since nearly doubled its $175 million budget worldwide. The second reboot of the titular character within 10 years, Marvel Studios and Sony finally worked out a deal in 2015 that allowed Spider-Man to appear in the MCU. Sony still has the distribution rights and handles the marketing but Marvel Studios is given complete artistic freedom to do with the character as they please. A couple months after the events of Civil War, Tom Holland returns as our friendly neighborhood web-slinger struggling to juggle his superhero passion with high school. When a new villain named the Vulture rolls into Queens and what’s left of the fractured Avengers team is nowhere in sight, only Spider-Man can take him down. I loved the Sam Raimi Spider-Man Trilogy so much as a child and still do today. (Yes, I even enjoy Spider-Man 3) They inspired me to want to be a superhero at a young age. And while Marc Webb’s 2012 reboot was an enjoyable and more realistic take on the iconic character, I didn’t feel like it was necessary. The Amazing Spider-Man 2, meanwhile was a disappointing, wholly underwhelming and rushed sequel that desperately tried to cram in as much world-building as possible. With that background in mind, I walked into Jon Watt’s new version of this character, my favorite comic book superhero of all time, with some trepidation. He may have been the best thing about Captain America: Civil War, but I was not sure how they could possibly reboot him with ANOTHER origin story in only 10 years. But the fact that the single most successful film franchise of all time had commandeered control gave me a bit of hope, and I was glad I had it. Although his actual breakout role was in J.A. Bayona’s The Impossible from 2012, this role was the one that landed Tom Holland on the map of American cinema. At 20 years old, he is the youngest actor to ever portray Peter Parker/Spider-Man but he also may just be the best, even beating out Toby Maguire and the 90’s animation. His portrayal captures everything that Stan Lee had envisioned for the character when he was first sketched in the comic books decades ago. His introduction consists of a clever home video he made of the airport battle scene from Civil War, which establishes his innocence and wants to fight alongside the heroes he grew up loving. While Jacob Batalon, Tony Revolori, and Zendaya do great work as his best friend, high school rival, and classmate, respectively, Marisa Tomei wasn’t given nearly enough to say and do as his guardian Aunt May. While she is more attractive and naturally younger than her counterpart in the comic book, she just felt kind of wasted. But Michael Keaton totally owned it as the supervillain Vulture. The 5-minute cold open is dedicated to building his character, bordering the line between evil and misunderstood. You understand why he’s doing the things he’s doing, becoming the second-best villain in the MCU behind only Tom Hiddleston’s Loki, and proves that some of the best antagonists are the ones with real and clear motivations. But be warned; his suit is all black, and some of the nighttime scenes involving him are hard to follow. Michael Giacchino returns to the Marvel Cinematic Universe for the 2nd time after 2016′ Doctor Strange to give the musical score. Opening with an orchestrated version of the classic Spider-Man theme song from the cartoons, it builds some large sweeps of strings and horns, reminiscent of Danny Elfman’s theme 15 years ago. Since it’s centered on a teenager, the soundtrack also had some fun selections of millennial and 2010’s music that matched well with most scenes. At the very end of the movie, it goes from a surprising last line of dialogue to a smash cut to the end credits sequence with a crazy playing. It was downright awesome and got a big laugh out of me. But what I love most is that it apparently doubles as both a superhero adventure and a high school teen drama. Peter Parker is struggling to fit in at his small school in Queens and simultaneously take care of his single aunt. Yes, it’s just Aunt May. This skips the traditional origin story because let’s face it: we all know how it happens at this point and we don’t want to see Uncle Ben getting murdered again. At the same time, Spider-Man is the new kid on the block trying to prove himself to Iron Man and other Avengers. Unfortunately, he’s so young and naive that no one really takes him seriously, with Tony Stark being his only mentor. At one point, he tells the web-slinger, “If you’re nothing without the suit, then you don’t deserve to have it.” Even though it can’t reach the heights of the original Sam Raimi trilogy, Spider-Man Homecoming is a hilarious, briskly-paced adventure featuring a faithful representation of one of Marvel’s best heroes. I had middling expectations to start off and walked out with a great big smile on my face. Especially because the obligatory after-credits scenes were amusing and cleverly set up future installments. And now, I genuinely look forward to what they’ll do with Tom Holland.

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“Inception” Movie Review

Ever wondered what it would be like if a traditional Hollywood blockbuster were to be combined with avant-garde or art-house movies? This movie should hopefully satisfy your search. Christopher Nolan’s complex science-fiction heist thriller debuted in late July of 2010, earning excellent reviews and over $825 million worldwide. This was probably due to the serious lack of entertaining movies that summer. The script, initially a treatment for a horror film, floated and developed around the film industry as early as 2002, with many tweaks and adjustments added over the years. The plot centers on Dom Cobb, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, a thief who specializes in corporate espionage of the mind. He and his associates use advanced technology to enter the subconscious of their targets to extract an idea and give it to whoever hired them. But now, in order to clear his criminal record and return home to his family, Cobb must perform “inception”; going deep into the subconscious to plant an idea in someone’s brain. That already sounds like a mouthful, but trust me. The story is much thicker and more nuanced than that. And while I’m honestly tempted to spend this whole post explaining every nook and cranny of this film’s lore, I’ll just skip right ahead and tell something you should have already guessed. Inception is a brilliant, downright amazing movie that every film fan should see. In fact, this may be an unpopular opinion, but I believe that this film is Christopher Nolan’s magnum opus. You could argue for days on Memento or The Dark Knight, and both are fantastic in their own right. But those films were based on pre-existing material, Memento being a short story written by his brother Jonathan and The Dark Knight an adaptation of the DC Comics character. This, however, is a wholly original film with no ties to any other franchise materials and only takes mere influences from previous classics of the genre. That is SO rare in Hollywood; if you can make a big-budget feature as original as Inception, consider yourself having taken the right path. Leonardo DiCaprio leads an all-star cast with some fine charisma and physicality. But he brings even more to the dramatic scenes, where his past life is slowly revealed. Like Nolan’s previous protagonists, this is an emotionally tormented man who struggles to move on from his past, which is almost suffocating him. The ensemble cast includes A-List talent such as Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Ellen Page as the vocal reminders for Cobb to retain his humanity, Michael Caine as yet another elderly mentor, Ken Watanabe as the benefactor of this entire heist, Cillian Murphy and Peter Postlewaite as the targets of the mental infiltration, and Marion Cotillard as Cobb’s mysterious deceased wife obsessed with haunting him on the job. But let’s be real; the real show-stealer, here, is Tom Hardy as Eames. The British man is a straight-up action hero in this film and his lines of dialogue provided some great moments of humor. That being said, much of the dialogue early on is reserved almost exclusively for exposition. For the first half, practically everything to know about this universe is told to us through character interactions. It doesn’t quite feel forced, but it does require the audience to pay close attention to everything that is spoken. It can almost be exhausting. But in the latter half, as we now understand almost everything about the movie, it truly reveals itself as a slick mix of both heist crime thriller and science-fiction spectacle. The incredible production design and editing by Lee Smith create dreams that are both very elaborate and yet still grounded and believable. One of the most thrilling sequences in the whole movie comes when Joseph Gordon-Levitt is fighting antagonistic projections in a hallway that keeps on turning and changing gravity. There’s no CGI or greenscreen whatsoever in this segment, hell not even wires. Instead, it was on an actual rotating set that took nearly two weeks to film. And several more of the action scenes are extremely well thought out and mix gritty realism with creativity. You want to get a large gun in the middle of a shootout? All it takes is your imagination. Hans Zimmer composes the music for Inception as part of the third collaboration between him and the director. Robbed of an Academy Award, the score is a unique mixture of orchestral and electronic sounds. Many of the tracks feature a steady guitar, reminiscent of the films of Ennio Morricone. The final track “Time,” in particular, is one of the most beautiful and haunting pieces of film score ever written, perfectly capturing a balance between heartbreak and nostalgia. And then there’s that ending. Holy crap, THAT ENDING. One of the most ambiguous final scenes in recent cinema, up there with films like 2001: A Space Odyssey and Blade Runner. I refuse to discuss it and spoil it on the off-chance that you haven’t seen this movie. But keeping it vague, it uses a certain device in the plot that we are familiar with by that point and leaves off on a big tease if ever I’ve seen one. Even though it’s been nearly 7 years since the movie was released, this ending is still intensely debated among film buffs to this day, with some creating their own alternative fan theories explaining everything. I don’t mean to disarm you with this, though. Inception is a stimulating labyrinth of ideas and action that is startlingly original and captivating. Touching on some existential and philosophical themes, this is a modern classic, one of my all-time favorites, and the best movie this decade has offered so far. You have to see it to believe it.

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“Baby Driver” Movie Review

Alright, hands up if your jaw was dropped at those incredible car stunts throughout. Now put your hand back down if you were thinking that I’m at least two weeks late on this review. That should account for both of us, and I apologize. This stylish crime comedy-drama from writer-director Edgar Wright opened worldwide on June 28th, 2017, following its critically acclaimed premiere at South By Southwest. It has since grossed over $72 million at the box office, becoming one of Wright’s highest-grossing projects to date. After his unexpected exit from Ant-Man, he went ahead with his second American production to date, his first one being 2010’s Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. The plot stars Ansel Elgort as Baby, the greatest getaway driver in the world who loves listening to music. The mob boss he works for, Kevin Spacey, organizes new crews and bank robbery jobs every week, with one more before Baby can escape from this criminal life. His passion for leaving is only fueled when he falls in love with a diner waitress named Debora, which attracts the unwanted ire of some of the bank robbers. Getting it out of the way right now, I love Wright’s work, especially his Three Flavors Cornetto Trilogy. Hot Fuzz, in particular, is one of my all-time favorite comedies and made me start to love British humor. But this is definitely an American movie, with several jokes poking fun at its infrastructure and culture. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t any less welcome. Quite the opposite, in fact; Baby Driver is one of the best works of his career. In particular, the entire first act of this picture is essentially perfection from both a filmmaking and enjoyment standpoint. The trademarks of his filmography are all there, not the least of which is the kinetic camerawork of Bill Pope. After the brilliant cold open, the beginning scene consists of a single tracking shot of Baby walking around the streets of Atlanta. Getting some coffee, jamming out to songs on his iPod, interacting with some street folk. It’s actually quite inspired. What’s more inspired is the equally kinetic editing job of Paul Machliss and Jonathan Amos, which brings some really swift cuts of fast-paced scenes. This is common in many Hollywood productions, but the difference is that you can actually track everything in the action perfectly here. Ansel Elgort is endearing as the titular protagonist, keeping his wits and dignity about him. Although I was initially cautious with him when I saw him in both The Fault in Our Stars and Divergent, he shows here that he can truly act and make the audience empathize with him. Kevin Spacey may be the obvious choice to play an elderly but powerful man with a firm grip over everyone, but damn if he isn’t great at it. He exhibits all the greed of Frank Underwood in House of Cards, but still brings enough humor and care to make him a complete human. “Don’t feed me anymore lines from Monsters Inc. It pisses me off!” he says after getting tired of excuses. Jamie Foxx, Elza Gonzalez, Jon Bernthal, and Jon Hamm play the quirky gang of bank robbers, and each contributes a bit of something unique. Hamm particularly surprises as a violent criminal bent on killing those who get in his path. Meanwhile, Lily James as Debora has been the biggest point of contention for many reviewers that makes or breaks the film. Some say she was a great addition, others felt she was totally unnecessary. I’m somewhere in the middle of it all. While I did think the love story between her and Baby was sweet, it definitely felt forced and tacked on, especially near the end of the movie. If they had decided to cut her out of the movie entirely, I don’t think the plot would have changed too much. But rest assured, the whole rest of Baby Driver is absolutely awesome. One of Wright’s biggest things is how much he loves older films and even integrates elements of them into his movies. Whereas Hot Fuzz was a tribute to old action movies, this is clearly an homage to old-school heist movies like The Italian Job. But he packs in so much energy and charisma that it still feels fresh and original. And of course, what’s there to talk about this movie without the much talked-about soundtrack? They must have meticulously planned every song because they all fit so perfectly into each scene that is appropriate. In fact, most of the action sequences are tuned to the beat of a particular track. One such scene involves a shootout in which “Tequila” by The Button Down Brass is playing in perfect form, and many notes are topped by shots of gunfire. This was absolutely brilliant. (Appropriate use since the director is British) However, I do want to say that you shouldn’t walk into the movie expecting only a bunch of stomach-hurting humor. This is not a total laughing riot like his previous films and is instead arguably the most serious and grounded entry from his filmography. But it doesn’t take itself seriously just enough for it to still be a great blast. Expertly helmed but maybe 10 minutes too long, Baby Driver is a stylized opera of music and guns that is gloriously entertaining. This is by far Edgar Wright’s best American movie, and one I will have no trouble coming back to on multiple repeat viewings.

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“Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie” Movie Review

I write this review with the full knowledge that not many of my readers will actually care about Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie. I can live with that. This 3D computer-animated family comedy was released on June 2nd, 2017, where it grossed over $77 million against a $38 million budget. This makes this film the lowest budget animation from Dreamworks in the studio’s history. It also marks the second directorial effort of animator David Soren. Based on the long-running and recently-ended series of children’s novels by Dav Pilkey, best friends George and Harold, voiced by Kevin Hart and Thomas Middleditch, are a pair of prankster elementary school students who love writing comic books and stories. One day, they accidentally hypnotize their mean-spirited principal Mr. Krupp, voiced by Ed Helms. They then convince him that he is Captain Underpants, the hero of their comic books, and things don’t quite go as expected for them. I remember reading some of the books in this series when I was younger and enjoying them. I wasn’t immensely impressed, but it was still fun reading. And when I heard that they were adapting it into an 89-minute feature film, my reaction was something of passable trepidation. But then, I saw on Rotten Tomatoes (A website that isn’t always accurate) the film got moderately positive reviews, and so I actually spent $11 to see this in my nearby theater. And I walked out feeling the same way as I did with the books: not particularly impressed, but still rather pleased and entertained. Kevin Hart continues his streak of family-friendly animation from last year’s The Secret Life of Pets here, which is actually surprising considering how adult-oriented his stand-up routines usually are. He and Thomas Middleditch share some nice chemistry, as their youthful voices sell the ideas that these two have been best friends since the 5th grade. Some of the pranks they pulled had me in stitches, while others felt like they were trying a bit too hard. Ed Helms more or less plays an animated version of his character Andy Bernard from The Office, as both Captian Underpants and Principal Krupp are total idiots. Thankfully, he’s able to switch between the two of them relatively easily. One’s an angry but misunderstood school supervisor, the other’s a fictional superhero who introduces himself by singing, “Tra-la-laaa!!” In the world where superheroes have brooding catchphrases like “I’m Batman” or “In brightest day, in blackest night,” it is nice to listen to something a little more lighthearted. Nick Kroll and Jordan Peele both voice the respective bad guys in the film, albeit very different ones. Peele voices the arch-nemesis of George and Harold, a child prodigy obsessed with grades. Kroll shines as a German, humor-hating science professor with a very embarrassing last name. Both are good and play fair to the stereotypes they’re with. That being said, the sense of humor found in Captain Underpants is very juvenile. Similar to the source material, several of the jokes are specifically centered around toilets and farting kids. But the main characters frequently break the fourth wall to address this to the audience, adding a great feeling of self-awareness to the overall package. Potty humor is the lowest form of wit on this Earth, and they’ll either fully embrace it or poke fun at it. Occasionally they do both at the same time. In fact, the final act of the rather short 89-minute picture is centered around the idea that the antagonist is trying to rid the world of humor and laughter from children. The way he does it? A scanning laser from atop a massively enlargened, toxic toilet. Obviously, this isn’t going to be competing with any of Pixar Animation’s finest achievements over the years in terms of visual storytelling. But when it comes to the visuals alone, Captain Underpants is pretty damn impressive. The character models are shaped and animated just as they were in the books, faithful in at least its visual adaptation. All of the animation, in general, is smooth and crisp at 24 frames-per-second. Similar to 2015’s The Peanuts Movie, the creators managed to inventively bring a two-dimensional cartoon strip series into glorious 3D computer animation with imaginative flair. So if for nothing else, give them props for that. Ultimately, though, Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie doesn’t do quite enough to completely justify its cinematic existence. The humor is mostly low-brow, the voice acting is good but not award-worthy, and the storyline is as predictable as a kids movie can get. But the still gets in some good laughs in amidst nice animation. It’s great that it remains aware of what it is. If it tried to have some sort of higher meaning then it would just be too awkward. But thankfully, Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie is a fittingly absurd round of family-friendly fun that never really impresses.

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“The Dark Knight” Movie Review

Why so serious? Christopher Nolan likes his movies to be that way, so whey the hell not? This superhero crime thriller saw a worldwide release on July 18th, 2008, going on to gross just over $1 billion in box office receipts. Having found great success in the previous installment, Nolan followed up with this film, supported by an interesting viral marketing campaign. Some months after the events of Batman Begins, The Caped Crusader and Lt. James Gordon continue their war on crime. And with the help of recently-elected district attorney Harvey Dent, this triad seem destined to clean up the streets of Gotham from its damnation. But a new criminal, The Joker, strolls into town and becomes hell-bent on plunging the city into chaos. One of the smartest moves that Nolan made in the previous film was that he saved The Joker for the second movie. It could have been so easy to open up his trilogy with the most iconic Batman villain in the mythos, but no. He instead gave a tiny teaser at the end of Batman Begins and marketed the shit out of it. And he created The Dark Knight, one of the very few sequels that not only improves upon but also completely overshadows the original. Most of the cast from the first entry return here for a second time, and still feel right in their roles. Aaron Eckart is one of the newest additions as Harvey Dent and feels right at home with his performance. One of the most tragic characters in both comic book and film history, you really empathize with his struggle to remain moral in such a decrepit environment. And while I normally am cautious of recastings, Maggie Gyllenhaal was great as Rachel Dawes. Her character was given much more to say and do this time around, adding a great foil to both Batman and Bruce Wayne. Every line of dialogue she delivered felt genuine and made me glad that Katie Holmes didn’t sign up to return. But folks, let’s get right to the point: Heath Ledger as The Joker. Even though his performance is the focal point of almost every other critical review for this movie, it’s absolutely deserved. He created a screen presence that was so wholesome and thoroughly original; there is not a single actor or actress before or after this film’s release who gave a performance quite like this one. His voice drips in menace and his backstory is mysterious and contradictory, making him scarier than any villain with superpowers. Then you start hearing stories of how he kept a diary with creepy doodles- almost like the demented offspring of Alex from A Clockwork Orange -and it becomes clear why Ledger posthumously won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, the only time a superhero movie won a nontechnical Oscar. It’s just a shame that this role also killed him. In all honesty, I could spend this entire review raving about his performance alone. But The Dark Knight is also a great technical achievement. A stickler for film, much of the movie was captured on camera using practical effects. One of the most famous moments in the film was an intense chase scene involving a SWAT car, a semi-truck, and the Bat-Pod. Through the use of real sets and tricky wiring, the semi flip over onto it’s back, without the use of CGI. Similarly, The Joker later tries to burn up a hospital using explosives. And while a misfire made for some great improvisation from Ledger, the resulting explosion leaves you with the impression of “How did they do that?” It matches Lee Smith’s brilliant editing job, making the action easy enough to follow without including too many cutaways. Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard team up once again for the musical score. Much of the same themes and sounds return for a second outing. One of the new leitmotifs and certainly the most memorable one is that of The Joker. It consists simply of a single note drawn out on an electric guitar and strings. Not only does it keep the audience aware of his presence, but it really makes them hate The Clown Prince of Crime. But to call The Dark Knight just a comic book superhero film is severely undercutting it. This is a crime drama in every sense, as well as a political allegory for the inherent flaws of the Patriot Act and government corruption. The Joker is an anarchist who will do anything and kill anyone, including himself, to get his message across. Similarly, both the titular hero and Harvey Dent are struggling to keep their moral codes in check as things keep accelerating and going from bad to worse. Half of the time, you’re wanting them to break their rule, the other half, you want to see them stay unbent. Their morality is tested, with the oft-repeated mantra, “You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become a villain.” Each time I watch it, I can’t help but grip my seat and wait to see when these two men are going to snap. A tense, unpredictable thriller with some haunting and unforgettable moments, The Dark Knight is a ferociously exciting character study that’s also the best superhero film ever made. If you etched away from the D.C. Comics brand and Batman logo, you still have a brilliant drama to sink your teeth into. Excellent storytelling and one of the most chilling acting performances ever put to film cement this adventure’s status not just as Christopher Nolan’s best film to date, but one of the greatest films of all time. A personal favorite.

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“Rough Night” Movie Review

Man, talk about a movie that actually lives up to its title. If they were going for the literal interpretation of whatever movie titles they could come up with, congratulations this takes the cake. This raunchy female-centric dark comedy released on June 16th, 2017, happily drinking up about $24 million stateside thus far at the box office. The film is brought to us by the same writers and producers of Broad City, a hit on Comedy Central with similarly relevant (and funny) subject material. After nearly a decade without contact with one another, a group of five female college friends reunites for the leader’s bachelorette party in Miami. Following a night of drinks and partying, a male stripper comes into the house and begins his regular routine for the bride. But they accidentally kill the stripper and have to suffer the consequences of trying to cover it up and mending each other’s broken bonds throughout the course of one, really awful night. None of the advertisements for this movie really grabbed me that much. The trailers looked and sounded obnoxious, giving off the impression that it was trying way too hard to be a knockoff of Paul Feig’s Bridesmaids from 2011. But truth be told, this movie isn’t actually that bad; in fact, it’s pretty entertaining. The first and most important accomplishment for a movie to achieve before anything else is to make the audience laugh. And luckily, Rough Night packs a lot of those. Some moments I chuckled at the mere context of a scene, other times I was guffawing from line after line of utter absurdity. Is it great? No, not at all. The first twenty minutes of the film do feel obnoxious like the trailers, but that’s quickly washed away once the film unveils itself in full comedy regalia. Scarlett Johannson leads the mostly female cast and shows off a surprising amount of comedic talent. Since the beginning of the new decade, this actress has been recognized almost exclusively for her roles in action movies like Black Widow in The Avengers or the titular character in Lucy. But most forget she started in dramatic films like Sofia Coppola’s Lost in Translation, and now she’s transitioning into comedy. She has a great sense of timing and shares excellent chemistry with the rest of her friends. Jillian Bell plays the attentive maid of honor who so obsessively arranges this party to be with her friends again. You get the feeling that she hasn’t really been in touch, and exhibits symptoms of OCD. Zoe Kravitz and Ilana Glazer play off each other as two former lovers who have gone off in polar opposite directions of life. This subplot was undeniably funny, but some of the execution felt forced and unneeded. While seasoned comedians Kate McKinnon and Peter W. Downs are welcome additions, Ty Burrell and Demi Moore were just not funny. A sensual couple that’s all about open relationships, they felt unnecessary and uncomfortable to watch. But maybe that was the point. After all, isn’t the point of any comedy to push people’s buttons on what’s considered socially acceptable. After all, Rough Night is never afraid to dip into the low-brow territory, given the overall premise. When the women are out partying at different clubs in Miami, they avoid the advances of men by exclaiming to one another, “I need a tampon!” All of the women in my theater couldn’t breath whenever that was spoken. Also later, Downs is attempting to run to his soon-to-be bride in what he thinks is rekindled love and proves his sobriety to a police officer in an outrageous way. It was a cheap joke, but it got a good laugh or too out of me. Not nearly as awful as misogynistic, overly indulgent parodies like Meet the Spartans and Disaster Movie, the movie manages to stay aware of what it is and work with its limited scope. But like any comedy out there, there is a real sense of seriousness and truth underneath all the shots, penis jokes, and sex talk. All of these women at the party have moved on with their individual lives, but you get the feeling that they still want to be together. This night gives that opportunity to live again as they did in their college years, even when things go wrong. Make no mistake, the story unfolds over 1 hour and 41 minutes without an ounce of unpredictability. But still, I appreciated the message of sisterhood that was promoted, especially with all of the drama unfolding in recent times. Rough Night is a thematic and hilarious, if predictable romp on a fun reunion, laced with some of the raunchiest humor this side of any collaboration between James Franco and Seth Rogen. It very much is the same type of scenario as Bridesmaids, and if you didn’t like that movie I’d suggest letting this one pass you by. For those who enjoyed it, you’ll probably have a great time here.

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“The Mummy” Movie Review

Oh, the things I do for you guys. This horror action thriller from debuting director Alex Kurtzman released nationwide on June 9th, 2017, surprisingly earning back nearly $300 million at the box office. It also marks the beginning of a brand new cinematic universe franchise entitled “Dark Universe,” a highly publicized reboot of the Universal Monster series from the 1930’s and 1940’s. Tom Cruise stars as a looter named Nick Morton who accidentally stumbles upon the grave of a thousands-year-old mummy princess, played by Sofia Boutella. Once she awakens, it’s up to him and Annabelle Wallis to prevent all hell from breaking loose in the modern world, while a mysterious organization looms over everything. Now this movie has been raked over the coals by critics and audiences everywhere, saying that it is a betrayal of everything this franchise stood for. Confession time: I was never a fan of Stephen Sommers’ original The Mummy from the late 1990’s or its two sequels. I haven’t seen them in years. I also think that some of the early Universal Monster movies are a bit overrated. In short, I genuinely do not care about this series, so I was able to enter the theater with a completely open mind. And after 107 minutes of my time absorbed, I walked out blown away… at how bad this actually was. Let’s start out with the positives in this movie, as I typically like to do. Like most of his other movies, Tom Cruise totally brings it to his role as Nick Morton in physical demand. The fact that this man is willing to perform most of his own stunts and retain that iconic All-American smile gives an edge and sense of being fun to watch that most action stars miss. While yes, he does run a lot, his character arc is essentially the same one he’s been playing for the last several years. Meanwhile, Anabelle Wallis plays his love interest with some great feistiness and is able to keep her wits about her. Their love story follows all of the beats you’d expect rather predictably and lazily. Sofia Boutella is a greatly underrated actress and action heroine who deserves more recognition than she already has. Her mummy actually had a relatively intriguing backstory Despite the rest of the cast consisting of A-list talents such as Courtney B. Vance, Jake Johnson, Javier Botet, Marwan Kenzari, and Russel Crowe, they feel wasted and wanting of more to say and to do. And that’s apparently because Cruise reportedly had way too much creative control over the production of The Mummy. From rewriting the meager script (Which already had six people credited to writing) to teaching Kurtzman how to properly direct to downplaying the roles of actors, this might as well have been his own directorial debut, Stanley Kubrick style. No wonder Universal Studios gave a monster salary for this film. Now I’m left to wonder if the movie would have become better if he had let the creators do what they wanted. I haven’t even gotten to the technical parts of the picture, which are an extremely mixed bag. The sound design and surround audio are crisp and nice, especially during gunfights or tomb looting moments. But the visual effects are the most inconsistent aspect of the film as a whole. Some scenes, it looked fine; not nearly impressive, but fine enough. Other times, it looked a wholly unconvincing sequence of greenscreen voodoo magic infused with whatever few practical sets were built on a studio lot. The design for the mummy herself, Princess Ahmanet, was pretty cool and showed off some impressive make-up, but that’s about the extent of it. Action movie man Brian Tyler composes his fourth feature film score this year, and can be deemed as “passable.” While it does lean on the tense strings during some of the more horror-driven moments, for the most part, the tracks often feature rousing orchestral arrangements in the vein of high-flying adventures like Indiana Jones. Which I find funny, considering that Stephen Sommers’ The Mummy actually started out as an Indiana Jones rip-off, which itself was a parody of tomb raiding adventures like the original from the 1930’s starring Boris Karloff. Everything that goes around eventually finds a way to come back around. But above all else, The Mummy is simply frustrating in its attempts to set up the much-talked about “Dark Universe.” Alex Kurtzman is so convinced that he has to create this world in which we can have sequels and spin-offs in the future that he and the other five screenwriters end up rushing through many beats. Whereas Marvel Studios took their sweet time establishing the whole universe and set of characters to come, The Mummy wants to get it all out of the gate immediately, using Russel Crowe’s character of Dr. Henry Jekyll and his organization as a thread tying it all together. Hell, even the DC Cinematic Universe seemed more patient than this one does. To be fair, that whole segment involving Jekyll and his people was the most genuinely entertaining part of the entire 107-minute runtime, and as far as I’m concerned watching the origin of his character and organization would have been a much more interesting movie than the one we ultimately got. All the hype around this new cinematic universe of iconic movie monsters coming together and this is the best thing they could come up with? Unless you’re the curious completionist or fan of brainless action, The Mummy is a desperately rushed and wholly underwhelming barrage of boneheaded potential. Confusing in tone and disappointing overall, there is honestly a compelling movie SOMEWHERE underneath this foundation; it’s there. I’m just waiting for the first person who finds it.

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