I purposefully avoid bad movies in theaters most of the time. But whenever they make it onto home media or VOD, I just have to put myself through the meat grinder. All because I want to love, serve, and protect the innocent from spreading the name of this movie. This low-budget indie horror film was released worldwide on January 13th, 2017, grossing over $26 million despite terrible reviews. That should tell you everything you need to know in one sentence. If rumors tell true, (Which they usually do in Hollywood) the script was adapted from a chapter in a nonfiction book The President’s Vampire by Robert Schneck. This isn’t uncommon in horror films, with many claiming to be inspired by real-life events. But with the premise alone, I have to imagine how much of stretch the screenwriter Jonathan Penner took to pump this one out. Directed by Stacy Title, we follow a group of friends, Elliot, John, and Sasha, who move into a new house not far from their college campus. Once they settle in, they learn of a spirit called the Bye Bye Man, who spreads like a virus whenever his name is said or even thought of. With no help or belief from the authorities, Elliot must discover how to defeat this mysterious force from killing them. I’ll be honest with you: That premise overall is kind of a neat idea. An apparition who can never be defeated because he will always be in the public mindset could make him one of the iconic horror villains of our time. And there was an opening scene set in the 1960’s that highlighted that potential with some genuine intrigue and suddenness. However, as soon as the setting changed to modern day, it became abundantly clear to me why this movie came out in the second week of January. Holy shit, this is such a stupid movie. Let’s start with the acting. All around, every single person is bad in their roles. Every line of dialogue they delivered felt as if they were on suppressants during the entirety of filming. I don’t necessarily blame them because the screenplay they’re armed with is so atrocious. But my God, they had to play some of the most insufferable and annoying horror protagonists this side of The Gallows. As soon as they appeared onscreen and started talking about their problems, I just wanted them to go away and meet their demise, which may have been the intention of the filmmakers. The Matrix star Carrie Anne-Moss appears as the local detective, and shifts from either trying her hardest to not caring in the slightest. But one interrogation scene between her and Elliot halfway through was unforgivably bad. It was almost as if they had hired a different writer for that scene. And that’s not even bringing up the fact that her character was an absolute idiot. Faye Dunaway appears in a single-scene cameo as an elderly woman whose sole purpose is to provide the audience with useless exposition. Doug Jones, meanwhile, plays the titular ghost. He is the quintessential monster actor, especially in films by Guillermo Del Toro like Hellboy, Pan’s Labyrinth (Review coming soon) and the upcoming The Shape of Water. He is able to completely disappear into the creatures he plays, regardless of the movie’s overall quality. It honestly looks here like he genuinely cares about The Bye Bye Man, but the movie utterly wastes him. His scenes are undoubtedly the best, but he takes up maybe 20 minutes of screen-time- not nearly enough to make the journey worth it. And that’s not even taking in the technical aspects of it all. From a pure filmmaking standpoint, this film is incompetent. Awful lighting, whether it’s a lack thereof or too much of it, makes it sometimes impossible to tell what’s going on. Especially with the editing and effects. The makeup for the titular apparition himself is actually fairly impressive for what resources they had. But the CGI surrounding him, especially with his hellhound, was laughably bad. It looked as though a college film student spotted a stray dog on the street, wrapped it in a greenscreen blanket, opened up a Dolby After Effects for the first time, and went through the editing process at a friend’s sleepover. It’s that bad. I’m not even exaggerating. Hell, even the musical score is bad. Composed by the Newton Brothers, it barely counts as anything original. It really just consists of the theme song from John Carpenter’s Halloween, but with a twist. It tries to add an edgy electric guitar and a careful drumset into the background to give it a modern feel. The composers might as well just go to Garage Band and edit around John Carpenter’s iconic theme. Like almost everything else in the movie, it just felt cheap and obnoxious. And of course, they had to set up a potential sequel at the end. The fact that virtually nothing about the Bye Bye Man was revealed during the 1 hour and 40-minute runtime is already frustrating enough. But it feels a little more insulting when you consider that it’s probably because they wanted to save it for a later installment. At the very least, if you’re going to do that, at least let the first one establish how terrifying and serious of a threat the monster is. Films like It Follows and A Nightmare on Elm Street did that very well. But The Bye Bye Man is a pointless hodgepodge of better horror films with zero effort put into it. Terribly acted and horrendously executed, it’s not worth it even for the occasional moments of unintentional hilarity. Don’t buy it. Don’t rent it. Don’t say it. Don’t think it. Don’t even watch it.